Factory workers no longer forced to pour moisturiser on their cereal!

Factory workers have come out in celebration following the announcement that leading global cosmetics producer will sever long standing ties with breakfast cereal giant, heralding the removal of the company rules that workers have to use the company brands no matter what.

“Thank f**king f**k we no longer have to go through that any more.” said Mark Crowhurst, a factory worker in the cereals division. “Over the years we have all tried desparately to find acceptable combinations from muesli with anti aging cream, to frosted-sugar-honey-cinnamon-bombs with 2-in-1 shower gel. None of them good, though Reg from Health and Safety is always turned out with a clean and youthful look.”

A man wishing to remain anonymous added “I don’t know what all the p*ss gurgling fuss is about. I just replaced the contents of a bottle of coconut bath milk with a mixture of Malibu and Baileys and poured it liberally over my cornflakes. To be honest it was the only way to get through the f**king sh*t streaked misery of the day.”

Management have yet to comment on the alleged break up, other than to say that “it is likely to take several years before an agreement for the split is reached, and until then it is very much business as usual.”

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