Raheem Sterling blamed for Windrush by trigger happy media

In a bizar twist of events, Raheem Sterling is facing new accusations levelled at him for being the root cause of the Windrush scandal.

In an attempt to prove his citizenship legitimacy he has gone to extraordinary lengths, including playing for his national football team and even having a tattoo commissioned which explains key events of his early life. “I never thought it would come to this, but given they don’t understand actual words I have taken to using a basic form of hieroglyphics instead.

Quick to judge, many media outlets and online community forums have branded him a trouble maker who has a flagrant disregard for history and the values of society. The growing list of things he is being blamed for includes the breakdown of the US/North Korea peace summit, the collapse of Carillion and the volcano in Hawaii.

“There is no such thing as being too quick to judge on twitter.” an anonymous source at the company said, “all of our users are thoughtful and accountable for what they say and do. Often they will sleep on an idea before tweeting it out and in any event they absolutely check sources and verify facts first.”

Raheem has indicated that he will happily explain the importance of appropriate record keeping and the risks of sending emails out when you wouldn’t want their contents revealed in public. Number 10 has yet to respond.

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