In a move designed to rattle the England football team as they prepare for the finals of the World Cup this summer, Robert Mueller’s team have confirmed that collusion between Russia and Roseanne is definitely a possibility.
“The timing is crucial in all of this” said Trey Lindstrom from San Francisco, “there is absolutely no other possible rationale. None.”
In an apparent ‘long game’ Roseanne has been a lone ‘sleeper cell’ for the last 20 years, timing the reboot of her show to gain maximum exposure before dropping this monumental bombshell. “Looking back, all the signs were there.” said a make-up artist on the show. “She would often respond with ‘da!’ whenever I said anything. I had assumed it was passive aggressive sarcasm – perhaps that was giving her too much comedic credit…”
A spokesman for the England football team said last night “we have been preparing for an eventuality like this. It’s common to have sabotage attempts in the run up to big tournament (usually self inflicted), but this goes beyond any of the scenarios we have rehearsed. We had prepared for what Russia can throw at us, but this is arguably the mother of all combinations, we have to go right back to the drawing board and figure out how to protect ourselves in these precious final weeks.”