“tech and spoon” race set to become worlds most boring story in the history of races ever

“Tri-li-on! Tri-li-on! Tri-li-on!” the cheers are deafening as the contenders enter the thunder dome, eggs teetering atop silver spoons. The tribalism apparent within the fan base is strong. “This is lord of the flies stuff.” comments Jake Bennett, a tech blogger/vlogger/box-opener from Milwaukee. “its basically Cribs and Bloods stuff: you just don’t cross the lines on these things otherwise you are done… forever.” He pauses and then pulls out his Microsoft smartphone (loser), and fires up a google search (sheep), before taking a voice note, saved to amazon cloud (nerd) so that it’s available for his blog on his apple MacBook (tw*t).

“Basically, the 4 main tech giant (if you ignore the likes of facebook and other tech giants) are all stood on the edge of a lake seeing who can p**s furthest. First out of the gate was Apple, Microsoft began saying things like “aaawww, I can’t do it in front of you guys!” and google has basically stepped up late, leaned back and turned on a fire hose.” explains Tim Rutherford, an investment banker, in London.

Economists are saying something, but to be honest it is so mind numbingly irrelevant to our lives that we just don’t care. At all. No body cares.