Following the news that from now on there will be no swimsuit or evening gown sections the president has uninvited the contestants “This is the worst kind of censorship. I insist that they stand in their bikinis with hands on their hearts in honor of the big… beautiful… personalities on display.
“It’s a shame, I was going to invite them all to the ‘Southern White House’ (as we like to call it), Melania was due to be away and we were going to totally Heff the place out. I guess these women aren’t really American so I guess they are all losers anyway! We are going to change things to being a celebration about me instead and replay the last 5 years of Miss Universe on a big screen.”
Jessie Longheart is excited. “Oh my God, I am totally going to win with my smouldering Emo look. Nothing says Miss America like black lipstick, stripy stockings and Doc Martins.”
Almost half of the US population last night were heard to be in tears with heads hung low “It’s okay…[sob]…it’s okay…[sniff]… it’s the right…[hufufufuh]… thing…to do…[big sob].”
And while #byebyebikini and #MissAmerica2019 were trending, there was a surprising and unexpected boost for the “Make America Great Again” meme.