Which way is up? Which way is down? who knows and who cares while we are on the worlds greatest fairground ride… UK politics!
In the blue corner, big fat f**k liar liar pants on fire Johnson (yes that is his real name), promising Brexit on October 31, then changing his mind.
In the definitely not blue, sort of blue but a bit turquoisey corner, braying snowflake no no no Nigel Farage (yes that’s his real name), promising brexit, not getting elected to anything other than the institution he is so desperate to leave and f**king off his own members by screwing them of £100.
Oh and lets not forget the red corner where lizard face, I don’t know what I stand for Jeremy ‘some of my best mates are jews’ Corbyn, who doesn’t know how to add up the cost of things and definitely maybe wants to remain… a leaver. Wait what?
Watch as these white, middle aged w**k weasels make promises they have no intention of keeping like “we are going to offer all uk citizens free space ships, free Nespresso, and a lifetime subscription to what brassiere magazine” only to back peddle a few days later and instead promise to “provide all doctors with floating plastic yellow ducks”.
Buckle up as Bodge Job-son decides not to have the election after all and agrees with the EU to remain while increasing our payments and doubling immigration. God what a ride!
Its all fun in the heady world of volte f**king farce.
Factory workers have come out in celebration following the announcement that leading global cosmetics producer will sever long standing ties with breakfast cereal giant, heralding the removal of the company rules that workers have to use the company brands no matter what.
“Thank f**king f**k we no longer have to go through that any more.” said Mark Crowhurst, a factory worker in the cereals division. “Over the years we have all tried desparately to find acceptable combinations from muesli with anti aging cream, to frosted-sugar-honey-cinnamon-bombs with 2-in-1 shower gel. None of them good, though Reg from Health and Safety is always turned out with a clean and youthful look.”
A man wishing to remain anonymous added “I don’t know what all the p*ss gurgling fuss is about. I just replaced the contents of a bottle of coconut bath milk with a mixture of Malibu and Baileys and poured it liberally over my cornflakes. To be honest it was the only way to get through the f**king sh*t streaked misery of the day.”
Management have yet to comment on the alleged break up, other than to say that “it is likely to take several years before an agreement for the split is reached, and until then it is very much business as usual.”